Somehow. Somehow we managed to stay alive, breathing. Somehow, yet so incomplete. Somehow, somehow. Somehow my world didn't ended with you leaving, nor with my own defeat. Somehow it didn't ended, but it changed. Because, worlds, as the child watching T.v. in the room next to this once said, worlds, they never end. They just change. Unrelentlessly, they change. Somehow, my lips have remained untouched. Untouched, all this time since you left. Since you left and made me so alone. Somehow. Somehow. Somehow, I say. Because I can't say something else. Because I can't explain it. Because no one can. Somehow, I died. And somehow I'm right here, now, writing this. I have lost, and I admit it. I have lost my heart, my mind, my friends and my path. I am defeated. Defeated. And the only one responsible for that is me. Myself.

Maybe the music flows through my body so freely and joyful that for one instant it fooled me enough to make me think I could do. Now I know I can't. Not at least in the way I use to did. Singing. Singing I mean. Now, everytime I'll sing I'll remenber it, that feeling. The feeling of being loose, with no restraints, no chains to hold my soul. I felt it once. And now I know that that's what I want to achieve, being free. Being free, true to myself. Free not to do what I want, without consequences or errors. Not that kind of liberty. I do not want that. I want to be free to choose where to be restrained, to be chained to those things I want to be chained to, to that people I want to care about. That's my liberty and my goal.

I tried to be careless. To unchain myself alone, without help, without advice. And all that I achieved was to tighten my chains. My old, rusted chains. I was, indeed, careless. So careless that I couldn't see what lied upon me. So careless that I couldn't see which path I had chosen. And I walked that path, blindfolded. And I walked down that path, to its very end. And now, there I lie. Alone, cold, in the dark alley that is the end of the path of the careless, I lie. I, The Wise. I, The Sage. I, The Mage. I, The Arrogant Idiot.

Its been a while, and no one had come to pick me up, to undust me and to tell me " Its alright, everyone makes mistakes. Now stand up and walk." No one. And now I know that no one will ever come. That I've got to take myself out, to drag myself out of this hole I pushed myself into. It'll take effort and pain. It will hurt. And it will leave scars on my face. But I'm willing to take those with me. I'm willing to walk with those scars my whole life. Proudly. Because they'll say to everyone who looks at them:

" Yes."

" Yes, I've been there."

" Yes, I've been there, in that dark, unclean place you all hate and are afraid of, and I've came back."

" I've came back, unharmed. Powerful. Undestructible."

But for now, I've got all the hard work to do. I've got all the climbing to do. And it will take time. A lot. So for now, and a lot of time in the future, this will be all that I've got to say:

I lost. I am defeated. Yes. But I will raise. I will recover myself. I will be reborned. And I'll be able to look up again, into those starry nights of my later soul, up, into the stars, and say: I owe nothing to anyone.

I Am Free.




Buenas Noches y Dulces Sueños, Laguna Azul.


Tumba Azul.