It’s been ages since someone’s swept me off my feet. It’s weird. Sometimes I think that there’s a slight chance, every new relationship, I think that maybe this is it. But it never is. There’s a routine that I can’t seem to break. There’s a start, a somewhat minimized middle, and then there’s a really long end. I feel like I’m trying too hard to fall in love. It shouldn’t be this way. And then I become the martyr, suffering for things I never felt but imagined in my head; for the lost love that I’ll never get back, for not being loved in return. But then I come to realize, I never felt all those things. Not even close. I wish there was a switch that would make me cut the crap. With time I’ve learned to build boundaries, and to me they all seem too dangerous to cross. Or maybe I’m just willing to give anyone an opportunity. Low expectations don’t mean endless suffering, so why does it keep on happening? Have I gone mad? Feels like I’m yelling into the void.